Showing posts with label letters to my daughters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letters to my daughters. Show all posts

Thursday, March 13, 2014

letters to my daughters | kayla

To be nobody but yourself
in a world which is doing its best night and day,
to make you everybody else 
means to fight the hardest battle 
which any human being can fight;
and never stop fighting.

-ee cummings

my first baby,

the other day was a sad day for me. it was wacky wednesday. i picked out some clothes for you to wear. they were mis-matched and colorful. but you turned them down. you didn't want to dress wacky. and when i asked you why you told me, "because not everyone will be wacky." i then proceeded to tell you to go get dressed in whatever you wanted. but i wish i would've told you this....

what makes this world beautiful is it's differences. it's imperfections. those are the things that also make us beautiful. yes, you. you my dear are beautiful. our quirks, our personalities, our flaws. it's what makes the world go round. beauty is in our honesty, in our laughter, in our openness and our mistakes. and beauty is in our hearts. imperfections and all. not in what we wear. or what length your hair is.

as your mother i have always known your heart. you may appear wild and crazy, carefree, sure of yourself and there have been times in your life when you were those things. but i've watched you change. i've watched you grow. you are still a little wild but only while at home where you are comfortable and sure of our love for you. you care what others think of you. and i wish that you didn't. i wish you could see yourself the way the world sees you. the way i see you. 


i hope that as you discover yourself that you don't let others thoughts of what is beautiful define yours. i hope you learn to embrace your quirks and flaws. your imperfections. and the imperfections of others. i hope your heart stays kind and it remains open. for you always look to see the good in others. your heart is like the sun and it shines when you enter a room. i see your heart in your carefully colored pictures for your teacher. i hear it in your voice when you talk to your sisters. and i feel it in your touch when you give me a hug.  you are as beautiful in as you are out. and i hope you know that.

don't let this sometimes cold world change your heart. for it is more beautiful than i could have ever dreamed.

love you always,

Sunday, November 10, 2013

happy second birthday

i do not like birthdays.
i do not like them i say.
i do not want to celebrate it,
nope, not one tiny bit.

ok, that's actually a lie. because i totally love birthdays. but this is one birthday i am not ready to celebrate. there are balloons and streamers and a birthday cake i made. and we'll celebrate. she'll open presents. we'll all laugh and smile. but there will be a little part of my heart that is sad today. and it's only sad because time is going by way too fast. and i don't know how to slow it down. i can't believe my baby is two today.

oh, my kinsley girl. words can not even begin to describe my love for you. my only hope is that you can feel it. and one day when you have a little girl of your own, only then will you begin to understand my love for you.

happy second birthday sweet girl.

love you to the moon and back,

ps. if you figure out a way to stop growing, please feel free to stay two years old forever.

Friday, October 11, 2013

the day of the girl

Dear Daughters,

My three, beautiful, smart daughters. Today is celebrate the day of the girl. And I am so blessed to be able to celebrate this day, times three.

I've written a lot of letters in the past to each of you. They usually talk about what I hope you learn and the future but today? The day of the girl. I'm going to talk about the present.

Sometimes you all fight, yell and even push each other. Sometimes you all want to be alone and not be bothered by your sisters. And I think I must be doing something wrong. I fear you all will hate each other when you're older. But then I catch moments like these...

Sisters snuggled on the floor, sleeping soundly.

The look in your eyes, Kyleigh, when you look at Kayla. They turn into little crescent moons and sparkle.

You all wrapping your arms around each other when I want to take a picture. Or Kinsley leaning into your big sister.

Kinsley pretending to suck her thumb like Kyleigh. She holds her thumb in her mouth just because her sister is.

I hear your giggles. And see you all playing. The oldest leading. The younger two following along because they all want to be like their big sister. And then sometimes, when I'm really lucky, I get a glimpse into how strong each of your bonds are with me.

I feel it in the way Kinsley hugs me. And in the way Kyleigh and I laugh. And in the way Kayla's face lights up like she's seeing some secret magical thing when I tell her how proud I am of her.

And in these moments I realize I must of done something right. This right here is better than what I ever dreamed of.

You are all so beautiful in your own way. You each have your own unique talents. Some very much developed, other talents are still developing. Kayla, you are a remarkable artist, a perfectionist and so determined in everything you do. Kyleigh, you are witty and clever and our free-spirited child. And Kinsley, you are vigilant and loving and so much more that we haven't discovered yet. You each complete our little family but one thing is the same about each one of you. I love you three with every ounce of my being and I want better than the best for you.

So today, on the day of the girl, I celebrate each of you because you all are very special. Just the way you are. I've loved you since the minute you were born, and even before that. And I will continue to love you, just the way you are and just the way you become.

I love you,

"From here to the moon and back, who else in this world would love you like that?"

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

to my sweet girl

My dearest Kyleigh,

It's been awhile since mommy has written a letter to you. What better day to choose then today? The day you went to preschool.

Last week we went and met your teachers. We saw your new classroom. You met your new friends. I watched you from a distance. You stood there, watching everyone. To the outside world you looked stand off-ish but mommy knows you. I know you like your space. You were just warming up. I then watched you play in the kitchen area for alittle while but that didn't last long. Because kitchens and play food and baby dolls aren't your thing. You finally found blocks and play screwdrivers and hammers. You pulled them from the bookshelf and sat in a little corner on the floor. You didn't talk to any of the kids. You didn't even really interact with them. You talked to your teacher here and there but mostly you were just content playing in that corner until it was time to go.

Today daddy and I dropped you off at school for the first time. This is the only time you've been without one of us. Mommy has only left you for a couple of hours here or there to go shopping. As you got out of the car you told the director, "I'm going to miss mommy and daddy." We're going to miss you too babygirl. We told you we loved you and would see you soon. You took a teacher's hand and slowly walked into the building glancing back and waving a little nervous wave at us. I watched another part of my heart walk away. I could tell you were nervous, maybe even a little scared. But here's what I hope happened when you got to your classroom.

I hope you were greeted with a warm smile. I hope you were excited to see your teacher. I hope you are playing with the other children, making friends and laughing. 

I know you like your space and to be alone and that is perfectly ok. And I hope you continue to play by yourself and do the things you like to do, even if no one else is doing them. But I also hope you let others in and make friends. I hope you run around with another little girl on the playground. I hope you make pinky promises. And play ring around the rosie. And sing. And dance. 

But most of all? I hope you don't miss us too much. I hope you're too busy having fun to think about us. And don't worry, when you're done having fun we'll be there, outside, waiting to pick our sweet, funny girl up.

I love you to the moon and back my sweet girl.

Love always,

Sunday, February 10, 2013

letters to my daughters | kinsley (15 months)

i love you much
most beautiful darling
more than anyone on earth
and i like you better
than everything in the sky.

-ee cummings

my littlest love,

i watch the way your eyes light up when they meet mine in the morning. a grin starts to appear on your face. your eyes squint like the sun is shining in them. i can hardly make out those sparkling blue eyes of yours. you cover your face with your blanket. laughing. kicking your feet. the only light in the room is from the sun. it's as if your reason for existing is only for me. only to bring me happiness. i feel a little selfish saying that but there's something you do to me that no one else does and i haven't quite figured it out yet.

you started giving kisses awhile ago but you would only give us one every so often. lately you give them away all the time. you lean your head into mine. you put your little nose up against my nose and your lips touch my face. you stay there for a second. sometimes you make a kissing sound. it melts my heart.

the joy you bring to me can not be described in words. your smile is infectious. and each day i fall more deeply in love with you. with all that you are and all that you do. my greatest wish for you is that one day you know a love like the love i have for you.

i love you my sweet sweet girl.

**all about you and your 15 month old little self:

you have an ear infection right now, even though we got tubes. we're hoping it goes away with some steroids.

you have a total of 12 teeth that i know of for sure. you may have some in the back on the top coming in but you won't let me look.

you still waddle when you walk. :)

you wear a size five, extra wide shoe.

you call for mama when you are sad or need something.

you are forming a bond with your grandpa.

you love your daddy (but not as much as your mama.)

you love to follow your sisters around. you hardly ever sit and play with your toys. you are usually busy following them around.

you love to color (and eat the colored pencils.)

you still love veggies. and mac and cheese. and chicken. and rice.

you love all juice, well at least all of the different kinds we have given you.

you are slowly outgrowing your 12 month clothes.

you still sleep in mommy and daddy's room. in your crib. you still wake up once a night, around 12:40.

you sleep from 8 pm to 8:20 am.

you take a three hour nap.

you love taking baths. and you especially love it when either one of your sisters join you.

you still hate getting dressed. and you don't really care for your shoes.

you love to dance. to any kind of music. when music comes on you stop whatever you are doing and dance. i love looking in the rear view mirror in the van and watching your little head move to the music.

you wave hi and bye all the time now.

you give high-fives.

you still love to play peek-a-boo.

you love your blankets. they go where you go.

if you are tired you will go to your crib and stand there.

i don't know how much you weigh or how tall you are just yet. we'll find out on the 19th. but i'm guessing you weigh around 23 pounds.

happy 15 months kinsley. feel free to slow down. :)

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

letters to my daughters | kyleigh

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
- e.e. cummings

my dearest kyleigh,
i listen to you playing. talking. and there is a sweetness about you. you are wise beyond your years. almost 5 years ago god knew i needed you. so he took something away from me. and i waited anxiously 16 months to find out about you. and then i waited another 9 months for your arrival. i don't know how to put into words what you did for me. the moment you were placed into my arms there was a sadness in me that was taken away. you gave me a piece of your heart and made mine whole. when i look into your eyes i feel you staring back into my soul. how is it that one tiny little person has done so much in such a short time? i don't think you'll ever know the love i have for you.

these are the last few months that we'll have together before you go off to preschool. from what i learned when your sister went is that once preschool starts the time just flies by. i'll miss our one on one time together. i know we don't tell each other i love you as often as i tell your sisters. but when we do say i love you there is meaning behind it. you come up and rub my arm just so, telling me you love me. our relationship is different. i laugh more with you than i do them. i am not uptight when we are together and playing like i sometimes am with kayla. you are the calm to my storm.

you amaze me everyday with something you do. something you say. you are so smart. i honestly think you are too smart for a 2 year old. the things you know. the things you say aren't things a 2 year old says. you are funny. and caring. and snuggly. you are a daddy's girl but when something is wrong you cry for your mama. 

i can't believe in less than 3 months you will be 3 years old. where has the time gone? i wish it would slow down. i wish you would slow down my sweet girl. 

i love you to the moon and back,

Sunday, November 18, 2012

six. an old letter. and a trip down baby kayla memory lane.

Dearest Kayla,

Today you are six. This post is for you. Today is all about you. And as an older sister of two you deserve one day a year to be all about you and nothing else. A day of no getting in trouble. A day of you picking the movies you want to watch. A day where I don't make you compromise with Kyleigh. (Although a lot of days are like this, you just don't believe it.)

This year you hit a big milestone: you started school. You've now been a kindergartner for two and a half months. We received your first report card on Friday. You are doing so well. But I didn't expect anything less. Your teacher said you are eager to learn. You make friends easily. And you enjoy school. I hope those three things stay with you forever.

These past two and a half months have flown by faster than any other months in your life. And sometimes I feel like before I know it you'll be twelve and then eighteen and then moving out. And most times I can't believe how much you are growing up and becoming a big kid. I can tell my little girl is slowly slipping away by your taste of music and shows. The toys you want to play with. The way you talk. And the way you want to dress. But in other ways you still are very much the little girl I know. You still want your blankets at night; soft side up. You still want mommy to tuck you in. And you still want to hold my hand at times. But no matter how big you get or how much you hate to admit it you will always be my baby, my first baby. And I am so proud of the little young lady you are becoming.

You've been talking a lot about kids in your class. Kids who say they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Boys who say a little girl named *Jessica is prettier than you. And while I've never seen Jessica I can assure you that you are prettier than her. And that it doesn't matter if *Matthew thinks Jessica is prettier than you. Because one day you will meet a Matthew of your own and he will think you are the most beautiful thing to grace this earth. I hope when you come to me about these things I have said the right thing to you. I hope I make you feel beautiful because your daddy and mommy think you are. And we think you are smart. And kind. And funny. And sweet. And an amazing person. But please try not to worry about these things. You are only six. Your only job right now is to go to school. Clean your room. Be nice to your sisters. Play with barbies. And to get a lot of sand in your shoes.

I just hope you don't grow up too quickly. I'm in no rush so please feel free to take as long as you want.

I love you my beautiful girl. Happy 6th birthday!

I love this letter I wrote to Kayla.

A trip down memory lane through photos:

A few of Kayla's favorite things at age six:
Justin Bieber
Monster High
Cotton Candy
Bell peppers
Anything art related
Computer games
Shoes that make noise while shewalk

*names of children have been changed.


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